this is quality
this is quality
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+1 Paul Harvey FTW.Originally Posted by ninjashoes
pwn thread
Stand by for news!
After 85 Years, First Gremlin Found Alive
SLOVAKIA - Everyone should know about Gremlins. They are those little furry creatures that if you get them wet, they multiply and if you feed them after midnight, they turn pretty evil.
Well I cannot say for sure that the food and water part are real, but apparently a Gremlin, mouse-sized primate called VMA, has been found alive for the first time in 85 years.
Hiding in a university in the mountaintops of a cloud forest in Slovakia, these little Gremlins weigh about 2 ounces, have large eyes, claws instead of fingernails, and are covered in fur to keep warm in the damp and cool environment.
Last seen in 1921, the Gremlins were thought to be extinct until this recent discovery.
We only hope the Slovakians will keep them out of the sun, dry, and avoid feeding them after midnight.
Court Finds Calvin Klein Underwear Model Innocent Based on Penis Size
TIJAUNA, MEXICO - A Mexican underwear model, has probably had his way numerous times based on the size of his johnson, but this has to be the first time it has ever helped him overturn a court ruling.
IMAMEX was charged and found guilty of breaking into a woman’s apartment by kicking in a hole in her cardboard box door and crawling through because she was with another man.
The bikini brief model was cleared of all charges after the defense council help up a plate showing the size of the hole that IMAMEX was accused of kicking in. It was clear that the hole in the door was not large enough for the 14-inch shlong wielding model to squeeze through.
“I used to hate my body so much, but it was my "little mex" that won in court”, IMAMEX said.
Judge Lancito Ito of the Tijuana High Court threw out the guilty verdict, saying there was reasonable doubt over the homeless woman’s story.
Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench
KENTUCKY - Last night in Kentucky, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble.
Wimmer, a 45 year-old man, was calling from New Found Glory park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.
The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Wimmer used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.
He panicked and called the police to help him.
When police arrive they found Wimmer stuck face down in a transexual albino fetish magazine where he had been stuck for some time.
When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Wimmer attached, to the hospital.
4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Wimmer from his bench.
Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.
Lets just say this is probably one bad date that Wimmer will never forget.
And now you know the rest of the story...
Good day!
At first I wasbut then I was like
and brian are needed in the news
We need him to send us the audio of those stories. I'd love to hear it from his old voice much better than read it.
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Stand by for news!
Masturbating driver fined for 'bizarre' pleasure cruise
Posted Fri Feb 13, 2009 1:21pm ET
Updated Fri Feb 13, 2009 2:08pm ET
CORPUS CHRISTI, TX - A Corpus Christi man has been fined $2,000 for filming himself masturbating while speeding along the Hershey Highway.
The man is out on bail awaiting sentencing since August after pleading guilty to carrying cannabis in the car trunk and two plants on the back seat.
Ambrose, 28, pleaded guilty in the Texas State Court to dangerous driving.
He was pulled over by police on the Hershey Highway in July speeding at 147 miles per hour in his Lamborghini, south of San Antonio.
He admitted to officers he filmed himself masturbating while driving from Brownsville to Corpus Christi.
He also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug, soliciting prostitution from a transgender individual and carrying a loaded meat rifle.
Patrolman Mike Kazowski says the driving was bizarre to say the least and conduct he expects of someone much more asian or female.
Prosecuters have recently asked for the bail amount to be raised after Ambrose was observed trying to obtain information on rental property in Brazil.
Massachusetts man loses scrotum in fight over blow up doll
Feb 13, 3:23 PM ET
MASSACHUSETTS - Police said two roommates began fighting over a Sarah Palin blow up doll on Thursday night, and the dispute ended when one man bit off the other's testicle. Officer Haywood Jablowme said it appeared that the victim came home and began to have sexual relations with the doll in a manner and style preferred by his roommate, starting the fight.
Police said the 19-year-old bi-curious man, Wandy4LIFE, was treated for the scrotum injury and released from the hospital. Wandy4LIFE said doctors were unable to reattach his right teste.
The man was booked on an assault charge. Bail was set at $250,000.
Panda attacks man who wanted a cuddle
Posted Friday Feb 13, 2008 2:00am ET
A panda at a zoo in the Land of Rape and Honey has attacked a student who snuck into its pen hoping for an "intimate and sensual relationship" with the endangered bear, state media have said.
The lovestruck student named Bloodshot jumped over the fence at the zoo in the tourist city of Rape, ignoring warning signs not to, Honey news agency said.
Upon entering the endangered bear's quarters Bloodshot attempted to "make sweet honeydip love" to the panda. The large mammal apparently mistook the young student for a female panda, cornered the confused young man and aggressively performed multiple sex acts upon the shrieking victim.
Onlooking keepers and biologists reported seeing sexual postions and techniques not found on record up to that point. Random House Publishing has already begun printing a revised Kama Sutra book to include these techniques used by the bear and blood, vomit and pee soaked student.
After viewing the horrible incident while on a business scouting trip, the only thing South American entrepreneur Rudy Dexter could comment about the scene was "Ja ja ja ja ja!". You say that bro.
And now you know the rest of the story...
Good day!
I hear rubbing your eye brows brings seven years good luck, is there any truth in this?
"Your lack of vision is the division
In time... Same thing as... but off
With the vision in mind superfical is time
Inquisition the mind in the face of creation."
Devin Townsend - The New Black
pwn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This thread delivers!!
"Snake throw that knee like you want to introduce his nose to the back of his skull"
This thread is sheer divinity
A man.
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
Robert Heinlein
Stand by for news!
Canadian Grappler Has Finally Met His Match
Posted Feb 16th 2009 7:17PM
BARRIE, ONTARIO, CANADA - He's kicked the crap out of all sorts of local noobs with limited grappling experience, but now Cameron is battling a serious drug charge.
Paul Harvey News has learned the famously Shogun ballwashing MMA badboy was arrested by Regina police Monday afternoon after they spotted the 5'8", 145 pound pizza boy wearing a Regina Police Dept. jumpsuit, complete with patches and a cloth badge -- a badge only cops are allowed to wear. The officers -- the real officers -- then searched Cameron's ride, where they claim to have found "a small amount of what is believed to be a curious mixture of angel dust, Fun Dip, rogain and viagra."
Cameron, who famously lost to Cam in last years Gayest Man in Canada contest via Saskatchewan scrotum sucker, was charged with possession of a controlled substance and is still in police custody. Cops say there will also be an investigation into where the putty patroler got his hands on the RPD gear.
El Chupanarba Raped -- Again!!!
Posted Feb 16th 2009 5:50PM
For the second time in 9 months, El Chupanarba got his pudding pushed in -- and the alleged ass-bandit claims to be The Fire's business manager.
It all went down in a private party at the George W Hotel in Scottsdale, AZ where Narb was attending a private party for NBA All-Star weekend. Cops say they were called to the scene by hotel security who warned about a brewing bitch fight between two groups apparently 'on the down low' in the VIP area.
According to the Scottsdale PD website, when cops arrived, they saw a man donkey punch the victim -- aka Narb -- two times in the head." Officers had to break out the tasers to "uncork those gay homosexuals."
The suspect, Slouch, was charged with one count of felony aggravated assault -- they ruled it a felony "due to the severity of the victim's anal
injuries." Another man, Rory, was also arrested and charged with one count of misdemeanor disorderly conduct for punching out a nearby pay phone.
According to the Scottsdale PD, "Slouch reported to officers that he is employed as the business manager for former mullet owner The Fire.'"
Narb was transported to a local hospital and treated for colon injuries.
UPDATE: The Fire's people tell us, "The Fire had already left the party and was in his hotel room at with a high priced tranny when the incident occurred."
UPDATE: The Fire's publicist released the following statement about Slouch, the guy accused of raping Narb's ass: "He is not The Fire's business manager, TBA is. He is with Narb's camp."
And now you know the rest of the story...
Paul Harvey
Good day!
Last edited by Paul Harvey; 03-07-2009 at 05:28 PM.
lol i'm just glad i was able to get it up
HE HATE ME
NINJASHOES FANTASY BASKETBALL CHAMP 2013!
HEY PAUL!
I AM THE NEWS!!
RAHHH!
I was on TV!
A man.
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
Robert Heinlein
Nothing but the best...
Ninjabros World Tour Participants:
ChuteFoxe
Sean Damon
Rory
TBA
Xhale
Oddtopsy
Che
Dr. Bob
40 Oz
Mary Jane
Chickenjorge
Blunt Object
Narben
Axeman
Bruce Lee
Squirrel
God
Dozi
MMAsterkillah
Wandy4LIFE
mytime321
Tmons420
King Cuntzia
Odin
Dr. Katz
bphunk
I can't believe narb was raped
he should carry pepper spray like I do
The End of Days Podcastis hosted by Resin and Ninjashoes - Check out the main homepage at Ninjashoes.net or click here to listen, you can also download directly on your Iphone or Android by using Itunes or Stitcher
support the site by following me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/ninjashoes
omg so much pwn i dont even know what to say
wrestling record 14-6-0 (12 pin wins)
bjj record 33-18-0 (31 sub wins)
R.I.P Evan Tanner
SHOGUN SUPPORTER FOR LIFE THAT MAN IS MY HERO
It's not a good day until I get more Harvey.
"Your lack of vision is the division
In time... Same thing as... but off
With the vision in mind superfical is time
Inquisition the mind in the face of creation."
Devin Townsend - The New Black
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