True stories…

[Jim]

Tell us your TRUE story…and make it short and sweet.

Reps for good yarns…and I firmly encourage stories that pertain to masturbation.



OK…I got one for yas.


I was about 22 or 23 and working in Sydney[the big smoke]doing construction.
Anyway.I was sharing a room with a mate of mine and due to this situation,and the fact that I’ve never liked jerking off in the shower,I was unable to get a load off for around 2-3 weeks.
Now when ur 22, and as many of u can probably relate to, that’s a fuking long time to go without busting a nut.
So one day I got off work early and knowing my roommate wouldn’t be home for at least an hour I hastily decided to tend to this dilemma I was in.
So I laid back[hehe] and after about a dozen strokes I felt an eruption rapidly brewing.Next thing I know BANG…this load of jizz goes flying like a missile straight over my head and onto the wall behind me…It must’ve went 8-10 feet…it was awesome.











PS..
I can no longer do that.

[Jim]

where ur stories niggas?

Come on damnit...its storytime

[Jim]

OK..i another got one


Last week a workmate of mine,Mal, was driving over to the eastern reaches of our city to score some speed and weed when he was unexpectedly pulled over by police.
The cops did a rego and license check and saw that Mals license was an interstate issue and that it had also expired.
The cop said to Mal that he cannot drive until he renews his license,but that he’d give him a police escort to where he was leaving the car.
Mal gave the cop directions to his dealers place and then the cops then escorted him across town to score some rocks.
Cops :owned:



*sidenote
When Mal pulled up with the coppers at his dealers place all the tweakers inside freaked and started running around like chooks with their heads cut off trying to hide their rocks.
tweakers :owned:




The end

[Resin]

FRAT WARNING Sorry Jim I couldn't give the short version of this i get pwnt way too hard



well one faithful day i get a call from a girl i've been wanting to hole since the first time i saw her she has nice black hair skinny and had big tits she was a life guard. She hits me up and tells me if i want to hang out i said sure but she says she wants to come pick me up so i just agree to.

We get there to her house and this girl is like 21 man and shes like sneaking to the side of the house and climbing through her window... I'm like thinking what the fuck! Did this ho just turn to a 16 year old girl? Anyways i stay quiet and 3 mins later she comes back out the window and tells me that were going to mexico to go drink. (mexico isn't far from here about 10 miles or less) i tried to tell her i wasnt really dressed but fine.


Her Cousin shows with his friend and we get in... fuck Mustangs no room what so ever so im squished in this piece of shit car next to the big tit's so im not complaining too much. The drive was normal casual shit.... things turn ugly this is where it gets good thanks for reading up to here.


We get to the club and im thinking okay sweet imma finally get drunk and try to get my duck sucked by big tits. We arrive in there and i see something no man should ever see. YES it's a gay bar... i felt like kiling myself what the fuck why did this bitch bring me here! She knew i wasn't gay what the fuck what the fuck she tricked me.. i told her how i felt and she apologized. Crazy big tits man i tell you so im in there and abunch of gays are starring at me. I attract some gay guy who comes over to me and trys to talk to me and i tell him im not gay and he tells me if i showed up alone i would of had at least 20 guys hitting me by now.


I didn't become aroused by all the trannys i saw walking around but my pride and ego took a huge blow that night not my cock.



I hated my life that night and i wish never to speak about this event ever again fuck you guys.

[Jim]

FRAT WARNING Sorry Jim I couldn't give the short version of this i get pwnt way too hard



well one faithful day i get a call from a girl i've been wanting to hole since the first time i saw her she has nice black hair skinny and had big tits she was a life guard. She hits me up and tells me if i want to hang out i said sure but she says she wants to come pick me up so i just agree to.

We get there to her house and this girl is like 21 man and shes like sneaking to the side of the house and climbing through her window... I'm like thinking what the fuck! Did this ho just turn to a 16 year old girl? Anyways i stay quiet and 3 mins later she comes back out the window and tells me that were going to mexico to go drink. (mexico isn't far from here about 10 miles or less) i tried to tell her i wasnt really dressed but fine.


Her Cousin shows with his friend and we get in... fuck Mustangs no room what so ever so im squished in this piece of shit car next to the big tit's so im not complaining too much. The drive was normal casual shit.... things turn ugly this is where it gets good thanks for reading up to here.


We get to the club and im thinking okay sweet imma finally get drunk and try to get my duck sucked by big tits. We arrive in there and i see something no man should ever see. YES it's a gay bar... i felt like kiling myself what the fuck why did this bitch bring me here! She knew i wasn't gay what the fuck what the fuck she tricked me.. i told her how i felt and she apologized. Crazy big tits man i tell you so im in there and abunch of gays are starring at me. I attract some gay guy who comes over to me and trys to talk to me and i tell him im not gay and he tells me if i showed up alone i would of had at least 20 guys hitting me by now.


I didn't become aroused by all the trannys i saw walking around but my pride and ego took a huge blow that night not my cock.



I hated my life that night and i wish never to speak about this event ever again fuck you guys.


thx 4 sharing..even though it was a bad ending

and after all that u didnt even get to tamper with those big titties,that sux.

[Resin]

thx 4 sharing..even though it was a bad ending

and after all that u didnt even get to tamper with those big titties,that sux.



It's a story i never want to talk about again.



And well here is the update on that story.







It was my 21'st birthday and i invited her to come over and i watched a movie with her and i got to make out with her and touch her tits yes but sad part is i could never follow up on it since she got back with her boyfriend.... My fault i never called her again after she came over..... And yeah i no longer talk to big tits anymore fuck that bitch.

[Aussie]

:owned:

[Resin]

:owned:



:yes: i got pwn pretty epic right there.

[Jim]

big breasts are very alluring.

If ur not wary its easy to get hypnotised by nice cleavage and start thinking with the wrong head,thus losing ones charm.

[Jim]

:owned:

storytime aussie
cough it up,
I know u got one

[Resin]

big breasts are very alluring.

If ur not wary its easy to get hypnotised by nice cleavage and start thinking with the wrong head,thus losing ones charm.


I never lost charm just grew apathetic.

[Resin]

Tell us your TRUE story…and make it short and sweet.

Reps for good yarns…and I firmly encourage stories that pertain to masturbation.



OK…I got one for yas.


I was about 22 or 23 and working in Sydney[the big smoke]doing construction.
Anyway.I was sharing a room with a mate of mine and due to this situation,and the fact that I’ve never liked jerking off in the shower,I was unable to get a load off for around 2-3 weeks.
Now when ur 22, and as many of u can probably relate to, that’s a fuking long time to go without busting a nut.
So one day I got off work early and knowing my roommate wouldn’t be home for at least an hour I hastily decided to tend to this dilemma I was in.
So I laid back[hehe] and after about a dozen strokes I felt an eruption rapidly brewing.Next thing I know BANG…this load of jizz goes flying like a missile straight over my head and onto the wall behind me…It must’ve went 8-10 feet…it was awesome.











PS..
I can no longer do that.



lol :damn:

[Jim]

I never lost charm just grew apathetic.

i used to be just plain pathetic around em.. i know better now but.....


there just so round and cuddly lookin...and they feel good too.

[Jim]

lol :damn:

u like that one myke.

Im lucky to make it halfway up my belly these days.

self :owned:

[Resin]

hehehhe

[Aussie]

storytime aussie
cough it up,
I know u got one

i got a couple ,

on anzac day( during the night), on the way home from a club i was in a courtesy bus , on my way home and me and the driver where arguing becuase he didnt want to take me all the way to my home cos it was out of his area or something, so i said take me as far as u can

than he starts going crazy and said im going to stop the bus physically remove you , so he hits the brakes and jumps out raging as he is infront of the van rushing towards my sid door i climb out the window and laugh at him cos he didnt know where i was , than he jump back in and swerved at me while yelling abuse at me , so i punched him in the head through the window and went on my way,

than i realised i was in the middle of nowhere so i had to walk for ages, when i got home the sun was fully up was a pretty shit feeling when i woke up

[Jim]

lol at punching him in the head thru the window.

[Aussie]

lol at punching him in the head thru the window.

he nearly ran me over

[Jim]

No-one got stories?....
OK I”ll tell another.

I had this slut at my place the other week..[see pic]and she was a dead fuck.
So I went to crisper and got a good size cucumber and some olive oil and hit her with it.
She didn’t like it but I thought it was funny.
Unfortunately my camera ran out of batteries so I couldn’t get a pic. :damn:


http://img116.imageshack.us/img116/7882/s6300061fr8.jpg

[Aussie]

here's one from my deviant days, me and 3 mates where in yr 7 on weekend we for some stupid reason we decided we would steal chickens from our schools ag farm, so 1st we stole a rolll of chicken wire from the school and hid it in our cubby house, made a chicken carrying cage out of the wire annd some wood, than that weekend we got really really stoned, dressed in all black robber gear, and scaled the ag farm fence wich is about 8 foot high with barb wire fence , we ended up getting about 12 chickens in out homemade cage , but before we left my friends through eggs at the pigs/geese/school

we took the chickens back to our cubbyhouse, the next day we built a chookpen for them to live in as our pets , all was going well till one stoned friends chicken didnt like him so the silly friends started to slapp the chicken and kick it anyway one thing led to another and the chicken got decapitated,

back at school one of our friends who was involved felt reasl guilty and dobbed us including himself in to the principle,OWNED me and my dad had to go to the cubby and retrieve the rest of the chickens , where i got mega owned cos my dad found all our weed plants/porno's other bad shit,

than we all got suspended

it was a learning experience and one that origionally made me quit pot and become good

[Jim]

c'mon rob and odin..

its storytime

[Aussie]

:popcorn:

[Odin]

odin is a bit too drunk and hopped up on pills to come up with good stories right now. ill have a ton when i can think tomorrow.

[Resin]

No-one got stories?....
OK I”ll tell another.

I had this slut at my place the other week..[see pic]and she was a dead fuck.
So I went to crisper and got a good size cucumber and some olive oil and hit her with it.
She didn’t like it but I thought it was funny.
Unfortunately my camera ran out of batteries so I couldn’t get a pic. :damn:


http://img116.imageshack.us/img116/7882/s6300061fr8.jpg



is that the roomate????


I like that girls vagina

[Jim]

is that the roomate????


I like that girls vagina

na thats another one.

[Jim]

odin is a bit too drunk and hopped up on pills to come up with good stories right now. ill have a ton when i can think tomorrow.

cool.



rep 4 good yarns

[Jim]

res just hit number 2 on the rep scale.

go myke.

[Resin]

na thats another one.



:damn: she's got a nice vageen +666







It would be super pwn if you could get that roomate!!!! mmmmmmmm i want her

[Resin]

res just hit number 2 on the rep scale.

go myke.


I just noticed that right now.



:damn:

[Jim]

:damn: she's got a nice vageen +666







It would be super pwn if you could get that roomate!!!! mmmmmmmm i want her

she moved out yesterday myke.

but she works on the same site as me and va va va vooom i know i can get her back here if i lay on a little charm.

[Resin]

she moved out yesterday myke.

but she works on the same site as me and va va va vooom i know i can get her back here if i lay on a little charm.





*wait ............... She moved out?




This is tragic news for my eyes.

[Radar]

When my mate first started seeing his girlfriend (now his wife), he asked me along one night to keep him company coz she was bringing her mum with her.

I ended up banging her mum in the room next to theirs, and then she went and told all her daughters friends we were dating. Which was a goddamn lie.

True story

[Jim]

When my mate first started seeing his girlfriend (now his wife), he asked me along one night to keep him company coz she was bringing her mum with her.

I ended up banging her mum in the room next to theirs, and then she went and told all her daughters friends we were dating. Which was a goddamn lie.

True story

how old was she Radar.... and did she have grey pubes?

[Jim]

Radar u http://img508.imageshack.us/img508/1293/mfer22tt1gaik0.gif u

[Resin]

Did you wear a condom?

[Jim]

did she have droopy tits?

[Resin]

Did you do it in the butt?

[Jim]

did u go down 4 the growl?

[Resin]

Did you get sinuses?

[Rob]

I had my first fight when I was in year 4 with this kid from year 6. He kicked me twice for no reason so I punched him with a right hand knocking him out. I hang around for a bit then he got up, had a bleeding lip and started screaming "I'm going to kill you". He ran home and grabbed a butcher's knife and came out, I ran home like a girl and told my dad who just laughed and told me good work.

Afterwards the kid wouldn't look me in the eyes until some other older kid played mediator and made him apologise to me for starting trouble.

[Radar]

how old was she Radar.... and did she have grey pubes?

about 45 - no grey

and I did everything but teh butt, and she did everything I wanted

HOOOORAY

[Jim]

sweeet.

Older women ftw!

[Radar]

sweeet.

Older women ftw!

...and so my mate married this girl, and I see the mum all the time


...as well as her ex husband :popcorn:

[Beets]

do you still do her now and again?

[Jim]

...and so my mate married this girl, and I see the mum all the time


...as well as her ex husband :popcorn:



Nice one...
does the ex know ur shaggin his ex?

[Radar]

Nice one...
does the ex know ur shaggin his ex?

I only see her coz we support the same soccer team - she has a BF who is pretty cool, and that was nearly ten years ago, so I wouldn't touch it with yours now. Her hubby doesn't know I assume, or if he does, he has chosen to keep it to himself.

[Beets]

radar - milfhunter.

[Jim]

I only see her coz we support the same soccer team - she has a BF who is pretty cool, and that was nearly ten years ago, so I wouldn't touch it with yours now. Her hubby doesn't know I assume, or if he does, he has chosen to keep it to himself.

so she's 55 now?

i dont think i'd touch her with mine either if thats the case

[Radar]

so she's 55 now?

i dont think i'd touch her with mine either if thats the case

ye be wise, Jim lad

[Jim]

ye be wise, Jim lad

not really radar.
i've done some fuglys in my time..
Well i've woken up to a couple if that makes more sense

[Beets]

i would have done her at their wedding. leaving the disabled toilet door ajar so the rest of teh family could watch from the dancefloor.

[Jim]

i would have done her at their wedding. leaving the disabled toilet door ajar so the rest of teh family could watch from the dancefloor.

only beets could come up with that.

[Beets]

maybe poke some wedding cake in her bum.

[Rob]

Any more stories?

[Jim]

i wanna hear a beets degradation story

[Radar]

not really radar.
i've done some fuglys in my time..
Well i've woken up to a couple if that makes more sense

you and I - we are the same

[Jim]

involving himself,baby oil,whips and a rubber immersion suit

[Radar]

i would have done her at their wedding. leaving the disabled toilet door ajar so the rest of teh family could watch from the dancefloor.

What kind of shitty reception hall has a toilet next to the dance floor


Must be a Scottish thing

[Beets]

i dont have that story yet jim. gimme 30 mins

[Beets]

What kind of shitty reception hall has a toilet next to the dance floor


Must be a Scottish thing



the last do i was at did. the centre of the floor was raised 2 feet and there was a ramp running down to the disabled and regular toilets. cripples dont do well with stalls so your straight into he big disabled crapper. with the baby change facilities.

thats where i would have done the mum. ramming fistfuls of wedding cake up her farter.

[Jim]

i dont have that story yet jim. gimme 30 mins

i want pics as well.

[Jim]

4 aussies and one scotsman in teh house!

[Beets]

well the scotsman is gonna have to bow out and do exciting saturday afternoon type stuff.

later guys.

[Aussie]

i have a story ,

it was new years eve 2005 i think i was like 17 at the time, i was extrememly drunk wanderered into some random party of people abot the age range of 30-60, so anyway all these old ladies where loving me, one thing led to another and buy the end of it i was stripping in exchange for more beer, cos i ran out, after fair time stripping , i asked some chick who was anywhere from 25-35 in age,

where the toilet was , i didnt really need to go it was a ploy, anyway she takes me into the room and i flop my cock out and make her give me head, she didnt want to root on her mates bed, so she took me into the toilet and i shagged her there,i was so fucking drunk i ended up starting to pass out when i realised the countdown had started , so i said to her wait here ill be back..... i never came back haha, after that i returned to the party and i tried to kiss this young hot chick but her reply was " no you just rooted my aunti" hahaha so i bailed back to my teenage party wich was across the road where i kissed some chick 3 years younger than me , drunk more beer till the early hours of the morning than stayed at a mates house,

the next day i felt dirty ....

[Rob]

4 aussies and one scotsman in teh house!

World Domination ftw

[Jim]

well the scotsman is gonna have to bow out and do exciting saturday afternoon type stuff.

later guys.

does this exciting stuff involve baby oil,whips and chains?

later beets.

[Radar]

...and this Aussie got fucked up last night, so is going to bed early now.

later guys

[Aussie]

some cunt review my story

[Jim]

wtf!

Deserters.

[Jim]

i have a story ,

it was new years eve 2005 i think i was like 17 at the time, i was extrememly drunk wanderered into some random party of people abot the age range of 30-60, so anyway all these old ladies where loving me, one thing led to another and buy the end of it i was stripping in exchange for more beer, cos i ran out, after fair time stripping , i asked some chick who was anywhere from 25-35 in age,

where the toilet was , i didnt really need to go it was a ploy, anyway she takes me into the room and i flop my cock out and make her give me head, she didnt want to root on her mates bed, so she took me into the toilet and i shagged her there,i was so fucking drunk i ended up starting to pass out when i realised the countdown had started , so i said to her wait here ill be back..... i never came back haha, after that i returned to the party and i tried to kiss this young hot chick but her reply was " no you just rooted my aunti" hahaha so i bailed back to my teenage party wich was across the road where i kissed some chick 3 years younger than me , drunk more beer till the early hours of the morning than stayed at a mates house,

the next day i felt dirty ....


Ur a total slut aussie!

[Aussie]

Ur a total slut aussie!

haha tahst what i felt like the next morning than that grief turned into a strong sense of self worth

[Jim]

OK..i got another one....

I have a workmate who lives in a motel block with a few of the local Thai hookers.
Anyway,theres one we all call the anal queen and he overheard her on the phone to a potential client one time and the guy mustn’t have known her cause all my mate heard her say was…
”yeessss, I taaaake eeet een buuum”

*Tru story

[Aussie]

haha ,dirty fucking thai bitchs

[Jim]

haha ,dirty fucking thai bitchs

some of em r hilarious.
The ones i met in Thialand loved the Aussie dick,thats 4 sure.

[ninjashoes]

Me and my friend decided to robotrip. We both drank a full bottle of Robotussin Maximum Strength. After a couple hours we went to the mall. We were wandering around and ended up at the beach. We begin by doing the crazy robowalk allover the beach. I'm sittin there tripping balls and my friend starts having purple spots break out allover his skin. Then he does somekind of crazy squirrel flip/jump into a hollowed out log and bounces out in the weirdest inhuman alien way. The he starts getting sick and crawls on his hands and knees to the edge of the dock and starts puking cough syrup into the puget sound. The cough syrup is dark red so it looks like blood.

that was awesome

[J-Sin]

i took at shit in a trout pond off the dock once or twice cuz i didnt catch anything

[J-Sin]

i got slapped in the face by TWO bitches on NYE for getting a handjob from their girl and i was very high and i felt like hitting them and then my buddy was drunk and i took him home and he sharted massively in my car

wtf am i talking about i need to sober up

[Jim]

i took at shit in a trout pond off the dock once or twice cuz i didnt catch anything

when i was about 5 my mum was bathing me and my little sister and when she left the bathroom to go to the phone or someting.
So i dropped a terd in the bath and when she got back I blamed it on my kid sister.

*tru story

[dragonfly]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y269/dragonfly8O8/jpgs/2002-06-06-fox-ali2.gif

uyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[Jim]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y269/dragonfly8O8/jpgs/2002-06-06-fox-ali2.gif

uyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

hahaha funny bunny.
I didnt wanna tell that one...

[dragonfly]

bwhahahahahaa

[Jim]

bwhahahahahaa



=p

[dragonfly]

i wonder if fox gives a decent handjob? i reckon he does

[J-Sin]

i wonder if fox gives a decent handjob? i reckon he does

I reckon you've never given one in ur life

[dragonfly]

maybe, though youll never know...

[Jim]

i wonder if fox gives a decent handjob? i reckon he does

i doubt it,the motor skill deficiency probably means trouble when hitting the vinegar stroke.

[dragonfly]

i doubt it,the motor skill deficiency probably means trouble when hitting the vinegar stroke.

i was thinking about all that shaking, could make for some good vibrations... nahmean?

[Jim]

i was thinking about all that shaking, could make for some good vibrations... nahmean?

the trembles arent a good thing cami...trust me.

[dragonfly]

the trembles arent a good thing cami...trust me.

BWAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

[Jim]

BWAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

Shhh...
thats enough on this subject young lady

[robotic]

Shhh...
thats enough on this subject young lady
thats parkinsons aye jim

[Jim]

thats parkinsons aye jim



u must be drunk i gather

[left_highkick]

Was on a massive fire out west in the chilcotin a fairly flat rolling area walking the line looking for smokes i start to climb this hill get to the top and i see this guy hunched over walk nearer yell out what yah doing. he turns around hes beating it like he just stole a lunch from a seven year old i realize whats going on and walk away. i tell the entire camp the storie and the dude pretty much just went along with it so the rest of the week he god privacy when on the line

[Jim]

11K

[Jim]

comin

[Jim]

up

[Jim]

for

[Jim]

jimmy

[Odin]

ok, so true story time. i actually feel kinda bad about this one now.

way back when i was a youngin, prolly about 11 or so, there was this kid i used to play soccer or some shit with that i really didnt like. little by little i started working to convince him that his parents didnt love him and that he wasnt actually their kid. i finally got it to a point where i think he believed it, cause he attacked me after a stream of pretty unpleasant words on why he was unloved and unwanted. so i beat him up, bad, talking about how his inability to fight like a boy instead of like a girl was part of the reason his parents didnt love/want him the whole time i was doing it.

he and i wound up being pretty good friends about five years after that.

true story

[dragonfly]

thats parkinsons aye jim

aye