View Full Version : Jerry Friestad's in depth guide to women


Kundurp
10-12-2007, 11:30 AM
A Dissection of the species

A: The female is a delicate and complicated creature, although you may not recognize this at first, most are packed with massive amounts of knowledge and interesting conversation. The unfortunate thing is this personality is buried under layers upon layers of bad sense of humor, menstruation, little man syndrome, independence, social deprivation, lack of self esteem, bipolar disorder, the clap, jurisdictional disorder, lack of common knowledge, and jealousy.

B: Many males are intimidated by this laundry list of problems that females seem to display, but you don't need to be. The key to a woman's personality is self esteem, if you make her feel like she's wasting your time for even bother with her rigidity nasty nappy ass then she'll be more likely to become more attached and compliant, either that or kill herself.

Example A: John comes home from a hard days work to see that his dinner has not been prepared, only to notice that his dear wife sally was in the kitchen crying because one of her friends said she should lose a little weight. He comforts her and tells her she is the most beautiful woman int he world and they go out to dinner instead.

http://z.about.com/d/tvcomedies/1/0/i/2/-/-/brad_joely.jpg

C: Well this is a common situation a man has come to encounter early int he stages of his marriage, women are under the impression that we are supposed to care about their feelings. Sometimes it's okay to give in to this and pretend as though you care just because it's an easier way to get sex.

D: There are several things John (Example A) could have done in order to secure his manliness and prolong their happy relationship. The first mistake he made was entering the house without announcing his presence "Bitch I'm home!" is simple and to the point, feel free to relish. The second mistake he made was a term I like to use as "Prepotency" John is the man of the house whether he has children or not and sometimes the female believes it's okay to neglect her hereditary duties such as prepare dinner. John has to declare this, simple actions such as breaking a plate in the kitchen can accomplish this. Now we get to the tricky part, John needs to stop his wife from crying without being a pussy and making her cry even more. I've developed a technique called "perpetual kinetic force" Now this technique you may have already figured out by science terms learned in 7th grade biology. when something moves or does an action it creates a form of kinetic energy, when this perpetual movement is harnessed we can create great energy sources like dams or windmills. In this case John will be attempting to harness the sexual energy from his wife by using the palm of his hand in a horizontal movement across Sally's face creating a defensive technique known as a "Palm Strike" or the common slang "Pimp Slap."

http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/6092/womenviolence26fo0.jpg

E: The key to knowing and understanding women is looking at them like a pet, if you give a dog too many treats and don't discipline them at the proper times then he will become selfish and develop his own idea of how the world works based on what he/she/it wants. If a woman gains too much of this independence she becomes a feminist bitch or a dike, so for the procreation and happiness of our species please, smack a hoe.

oddtopsy
10-12-2007, 11:34 AM
Poland told us you just go on myspace.

Jorge pwns in that department.

kingy
10-12-2007, 11:35 AM
A Disection of the species

A: The female is a delicate and complicated creature, although you may not recognize this at first, most are packed with massive amounts of knowledge and interesting conversation. The unfortunate thing is this personality is buried under layers upon layers of bad sense of humor, menstration, little man sydrome, independence, social deprevation, lack of self esteem, bipolar disorder, the clap, jurisdictional disorder, lack of common knowledge, and jealousy.

B: Many males are intimidated by this laundry list of problems that females seem to display, but you don't need to be. The key to a womans personality is self esteem, if you make her feel like she's wasting your time for even bother with her ruggity nasty nappy ass then she'll be more likely to become more attached and compliant, either that or kill herself.

Example A: John comes home from a hard days work to see that his dinner has not been prepared, only to notice that his dear wife sally was in the kitchen crying because one of her friends said she should lose a little weight. He comforts her and tells her she is the most beautiful woman int he world and they go out to dinner instead.

http://z.about.com/d/tvcomedies/1/0/i/2/-/-/brad_joely.jpg

C: Well this is a common sitation a man has come to encounter early int he stages of his marridge, women are under the impression that we are supposed to care about their feelings. Sometimes it's okay to give in to this and pretend as though you care just because it's an easier way to get sex.

D: There are several things John (Example A) could have done in order to secure his manliness and prolong their happy relationship. The first mistake he made was entering the house without announcing his presence "Bitch i'm home!" is simple and to the point, feel free to relish. The second mistake he made was a term I like to use as "Prepotency" John is the man of the house whether he has children or not and sometimes the female believes it's okay to neglect her hereditary dutiest such as prepare dinner. John has to declare this, simple actions such as breaking a plate in the kitchen can accomplish this. Now we get to the ticky part, John needs to stop his wife from crying without being a pussy and making her cry even more. I've developed a techinque called "perpetual kenetic force" Now this technique you may have already figured out by science terms learned in 7th grade biology. when something moves or does an action it creates a form of kenetic energy, when this perpetual movement is harnessed we can create great energy sources like dams or windmills. In this case John will be attempting to harness the sexual energy from his wife by using the palm of his hand in a horizontal movement across Sally's face creating a defensive technique known as a "Palm Strike" or the common slang "Pimp Slap."

http://img221.imageshack.us/my.php?image=womenviolence26cm9.jpg

E: The key to knowing and undersanding women is looking at them like a pet, if you give a dog too many treats and don't discipline them at the proper times then he will become selfish and develop his own idea of how the world works based on what he/she/it wants. If a woman gains too much of this independence she becomes a femenist bitch or a dike, so for the procreationa nd happiness of our species please, smack a hoe.

TL/DR

Kundurp
10-12-2007, 11:37 AM
Poland told us you just go on myspace.

Jorge pwns in that department.

I think you're neglecting any advice in that which I have written.

But yeah I've had my fair share of sex via myspace,

I've also hooked up with bitches from Wow, IRC, Facebook, and passing notes in class that say "Fuck me? yes, no, maybe"

Thats not my only source of Vaginal income, but when you have video of you winning cgae fights ont he internet it's relativley easy to get chicks.

Dr. Bob {ADR}
10-12-2007, 11:39 AM
TL/DR

Yeah. And that's rare for me.

oddtopsy
10-12-2007, 11:41 AM
I think you're neglecting any advice in that which I have written.

But yeah I've had my fair share of sex via myspace,

I've also hooked up with bitches from Wow, IRC, Facebook, and passing notes in class that say "Fuck me? yes, no, maybe"

Thats not my only source of Vaginal income, but when you have video of you winning cgae fights ont he internet it's relativley easy to get chicks.
Quoted for Jason.

Thanks, but I don't need any advice. I got a sharpie. And steven.

oddtopsy
10-12-2007, 11:42 AM
WOW?

Really? How did those turn out?

Radar
10-12-2007, 11:44 AM
Goddammit, your fucking spelling is atrocious.

Kundurp
10-12-2007, 11:46 AM
Goddammit, your fucking spelling is atrocious.


can be fixed, don't have time, far too lazy.

beetsh
10-12-2007, 11:46 AM
its the punches to the head.

Radar
10-12-2007, 11:56 AM
can be fixed, don't have time, far too lazy.

Honestly, it really distracted me from the point of your thread.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking had this problem.


(on top of all his other problems)

beetsh
10-12-2007, 12:00 PM
i bet hes got spell checker on his dictaphone thing

Jim
10-12-2007, 12:04 PM
Honestly, it really distracted me from the point of your thread.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking had this problem.


(on top of all his other problems)

mmmm....i reckon if he could type Hawkings would probably use spellcheck.

beetsh
10-12-2007, 12:08 PM
shit it goes through a computer as he speaks it i bet hes got the old voice recognition software

Kundurp
10-12-2007, 12:10 PM
Honestly, it really distracted me from the point of your thread.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking had this problem.


(on top of all his other problems)

There I waved my magic fairy wand

beetsh
10-12-2007, 12:11 PM
lolz!!

oddtopsy
10-12-2007, 12:13 PM
Is that how you get the WOW chicks?

amanamagus
10-12-2007, 12:14 PM
lolz!!
+1

beetsh
10-12-2007, 12:16 PM
Is that how you get the WOW chicks?

i saw this hawt chick on tv that was ball deep into that shit. i was stunned. i figured it would be all fatties that played that

Kundurp
10-12-2007, 12:27 PM
i saw this hawt chick on tv that was ball deep into that shit. i was stunned. i figured it would be all fatties that played that


http://www.warcraftsocialnetwork.com/

Click browse ont he top left

Change your filter settings to female and those only with pics

and just let loose

Radar
10-12-2007, 12:30 PM
"... if you make her feel like she's wasting your time for even bother with her rigidity nasty nappy ass..."


This sentence makes no sense at all.

Nasty Nate
10-12-2007, 12:47 PM
http://www.warcraftsocialnetwork.com/

Click browse ont he top left

Change your filter settings to female and those only with pics

and just let loose

i see what you mean bro. this one is a keeper.
http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o133/hurikain9/hrh.jpg

Radar
10-12-2007, 01:04 PM
i see what you mean bro. this one is a keeper.
http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o133/hurikain9/hrh.jpg

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g260/Radar286/45043864.jpg

Nasty Nate
10-12-2007, 01:09 PM
i was takin a look at some of teh chicas and there were a couple cuties i guess...but damn i did not expect to see something that bad. i thought it was a joke for realz

Dozi
10-12-2007, 04:58 PM
Looks good to me.