so i know a lot of the ninjabros are a little older and some are even married, so im gonna need your relationship advice and wisdom on this one.

so i've been dating this girl for a little over a year. I'm 18, and she's 17.

we started with a flirtatious friendship, then we began to date and things began perfectly. after months we began to argue like regular couples. but the hole just got deeper and deeper.

the arguements have been mostly out of jealousy on my part, and miscommunication. she's tried telling me to call her back, or that she would call me back, but i had felt that she was running away from our problems. i now realize that she was not running away, but trying to avoid those problems, in order to not let so much emotion into our thoughts so that we could continue to think rationally rather than just react out of anger and fall deeper and deeper into a hole we could not get out of.

she's currently on vacation. i talked to her over myspace on monday and she seemed a little weird, so i asked her what was wrong and she wrote to me telling me that she's been thinking about stuff, and although she still cares about me that she can't continue on with our problems and drama.

before this we have had problems where she seemed to have had enough but i always managed to pull her back and we would get over them, but not this time. it really seemed like she had made up her mind. i dont know if it's the scenario, where she's on vacation or if it's just that she's simply had enough.

perhaps it was easier for her to tell me this way, but despite that i cannot deny she feels as she should not be with me even though she might still have deep feelings for me. i dont know if she no longer believes in me, but the truth is i had always looked for external causes to our problems, or blamed her for them. i think this was the wake up call that i needed and now i realize that i've been the only one causing all of this in our relationship, and im the only one who i can control, rather than her.

how can i convince her that i've realized this, that this is the wake up call that i needed, and that this time won't be like the others, meaning these wont be empty promises?

this one's for you TFZ, TBA, BradO, etc. and even Dragonfly (i need a girls perspective too)

so i know a lot of the ninjabros are a little older and some are even married, so im gonna need your relationship advice and wisdom on this one.

so i've been dating this girl for a little over a year. I'm 18, and she's 17.

we started with a flirtatious friendship, then we began to date and things began perfectly. after months we began to argue like regular couples. but the hole just got deeper and deeper.

the arguements have been mostly out of jealousy on my part, and miscommunication. she's tried telling me to call her back, or that she would call me back, but i had felt that she was running away from our problems. i now realize that she was not running away, but trying to avoid those problems, in order to not let so much emotion into our thoughts so that we could continue to think rationally rather than just react out of anger and fall deeper and deeper into a hole we could not get out of.

she's currently on vacation. i talked to her over myspace on monday and she seemed a little weird, so i asked her what was wrong and she wrote to me telling me that she's been thinking about stuff, and although she still cares about me that she can't continue on with our problems and drama.

before this we have had problems where she seemed to have had enough but i always managed to pull her back and we would get over them. this last time it was while she had been having fun on vacation, away from me, and through a computer.

perhaps it was easier for her to tell me this way, but despite that i cannot deny she feels as she should not be with me even though she might still have deep feelings for me. i dont know if she no longer believes in me, but the truth is i had always looked for external causes to our problems, or blamed her for them. i think this was the wake up call that i needed and now i realize that i've been the only one causing all of this in our relationship, and im the only one who i can control, rather than her.

how can i convince her that i've realized this, that this is the wake up call that i needed, and that this time won't be like the others, meaning these wont be empty promises?

this one's for you TFZ, TBA, BradO, etc. and even Dragonfly (i need a girls perspective too)

The best you can do, is tell her that. It pretty much the same words as you used here. She may choose to not believe you, and you have to be ready for that. After you tell her, you will be in one of two places:

She believes and lets you back, or she doesn't believe you and calls it off or backs out slowly.

If she believes you, you better damn well be ready to prove it. With actions, not words. If you continue previous behaviors, she will probably walk.

If she wants out, you will have to deal with that, and consider this a lesson learned. Maybe in time you can re-connect.

The best you can do, is tell her that. It pretty much the same words as you used here. She may choose to not believe you, and you have to be ready for that. After you tell her, you will be in one of two places:

She believes and lets you back, or she doesn't believe you and calls it off or backs out slowly.

If she believes you, you better damn well be ready to prove it. With actions, not words. If you continue previous behaviors, she will probably walk.

If she wants out, you will have to deal with that, and consider this a lesson learned. Maybe in time you can re-connect.

yeha i;ve considered all of this. and this is pretty much what i've gotten from everyone i've asked.

the thing is how can i really convince her to even sit and watch in order for me to show it to her and convince her with actions rather than mere words?

what i mean is that in a way i would have to first convince her with words in order to then convince her with my actions.

First off good idea putting this in the Townsquare.

I think its important that you let her know exactly how you feel and be honest. I believe honesty is the key because if you're not honest you'll just have problems later and they'll be compounded.

You need to tell her things like how you feel about her and make sure you let her communicate. Don't bug her every moment of the day i.e sms, msn, myspace, phone calls, maybe she just needs some time away to understand how much you really mean to her.

Make sure you prepare yourself for things not going to plan. This might be the end and you'll need to accept it.

Best of luck to you

I thought I was first to reply

yeha i;ve considered all of this. and this is pretty much what i've gotten from everyone i've asked.

the thing is how can i really convince her to even sit and watch in order for me to show it to her and convince her with actions rather than mere words?

All you can do is ask, man. If you approach her in a genuine way, she will listen. If you try to make her listen, you will drive her away. Tell her you have reached a realization, and you think you can improve yourself.


I really don't want to stomp on your relationship or anything, but you also have to realize that young relationships have a higher likelyhood of ending instead of lasting.

Just do your best and speak from the heart. That's all anyone can do.

I thought I was first to reply

quickadvicepwned

First off good idea putting this in the Townsquare.

I think its important that you let her know exactly how you feel and be honest. I believe honesty is the key because if you're not honest you'll just have problems later and they'll be compounded.

You need to tell her things like how you feel about her and make sure you let her communicate. Don't bug her every moment of the day i.e sms, msn, myspace, phone calls, maybe she just needs some time away to understand how much you really mean to her.

Make sure you prepare yourself for things not going to plan. This might be the end and you'll need to accept it.

Best of luck to you

yeha ive been trying to get ready for all the bad things that i think could happen, cuz im definately ready for the good.

before we would really just bug each other. not actually bug but i mean if i wasnt calling she would. so i think the feeling was always reciprocated.

if it's time she needs i dont have a problem with waiting.

and she's been away for a month, so i dont know if when you say that maybe she needs time away to realize how much i mean to her it's even more time or if she should already know?

also, i deleted my myspace cuz that always causes drama, so ihope she sees this as a very small step into the right direction on my part.

yeha ive been trying to get ready for all the bad things that i think could happen, cuz im definately ready for the good.

before we would really just bug each other. not actually bug but i mean if i wasnt calling she would. so i think the feeling was always reciprocated.

if it's time she needs i dont have a problem with waiting.

and she's been away for a month, so i dont know if when you say that maybe she needs time away to realize how much i mean to her it's even more time or if she should already know?

also, i deleted my myspace cuz that always causes drama, so ihope she sees this as a very small step into the right direction on my part.

It's good that you're already making steps to make things better. things like that should show her that you're worth listening to.

You know what bro. A lot of my friends have lost their gfs cause they were insecure and impatient with their gfs.

I think the best course of action would be to be honest and tell her that you were jealous before and you are ready to mend your ways. A man is jealous when he's trying to protect something from the world. But that "thing" could only truly be yours if it comes back to you all by yourself.

As you've said that she cares about you, I think she will give you another chance.

Best of luck.

P.S. I'm not the best person to answer this since I havent had a girl in my life.

All you can do is ask, man. If you approach her in a genuine way, she will listen. If you try to make her listen, you will drive her away. Tell her you have reached a realization, and you think you can improve yourself.


I really don't want to stomp on your relationship or anything, but you also have to realize that young relationships have a higher likelyhood of ending instead of lasting.

Just do your best and speak from the heart. That's all anyone can do.

i know what you mean. i mean it's all statistics and seen everyday.

i dont wanna sound dumb when i say this but i think that when someone gets into a relationship that they should try to make of it the most they can. whatever age or situation. if not then why get into it at all?

i mean, to me it's been a long time. it's been 14 months. and im not going to give up just because statistics say that im not marrying this girl. who knows, i might end up marrying her little sister. i have no idea, but what im trying to say is that im realistic, but my goal at this point is her and thats what im concentrating on, regardless of any data or anythign else.

despite all this i realize the possibilities and some of the probable outcomes.

You just have to choose your words carefully to get her to listen to yourself. Hust show her sincerity.

Also listen to the issues she has.

i know what you mean. i mean it's all statistics and seen everyday.

i dont wanna sound dumb when i say this but i think that when someone gets into a relationship that they should try to make of it the most they can. whatever age or situation. if not then why get into it at all?

i mean, to me it's been a long time. it's been 14 months. and im not going to give up just because statistics say that im not marrying this girl. who knows, i might end up marrying her little sister. i have no idea, but what im trying to say is that im realistic, but my goal at this point is her and thats what im concentrating on, regardless of any data or anythign else.

despite all this i realize the possibilities and some of the probable outcomes.

I'm not trying to tell you to give up...I just wanted to make sure you recognized the possible outcomes of this.

Just by being as serious about this relationship as you are, you are improving the chances of it working out a LOT. Keep down this path and it will help immensely.

You know what bro. A lot of my friends have lost their gfs cause they were insecure and impatient with their gfs.

I think the best course of action would be to be honest and tell her that you were jealous before and you are ready to mend your ways. A man is jealous when he's trying to protect something from the world. But that "thing" could only truly be yours if it comes back to you all by yourself.

As you've said that she cares about you, I think she will give you another chance.

Best of luck.

P.S. I'm not the best person to answer this since I havent had a girl in my life.

you're right.

i like your philosophical approach to this.

i think it would all go right if she does care, but i'm scared if she might not.

I'm not trying to tell you to give up...I just wanted to make sure you recognized the possible outcomes of this.

Just by being as serious about this relationship as you are, you are improving the chances of it working out a LOT. Keep down this path and it will help immensely.

no i know. i was just trying to give you my take on it and you know, i guess what it means to me.

im not one to give up and if she cares that can be contagious. (if she really does care) which i hope she does, still.

no i know. i was just trying to give you my take on it and you know, i guess what it means to me.

im not one to give up and if she cares that can be contagious. (if she really does care) which i hope she does, still.

She wouldn't have spent so much time with you if she didn't care. There's gotta be some, if not MOST of that, still in her.

She wouldn't have spent so much time with you if she didn't care. There's gotta be some, if not MOST of that, still in her.

yeah i know.

i mean ive been insecure in the sense of other guys mainly because of my brother. he had a wife and gave her full trust, only to find out she was not only cheating on him with different guys but that she had a 6 month relationship with someone else.

besides that, i have a sister who's like the biggest player of them all, and so i know how a girl could be.

despite all of that i've never doubted the way she is. and even though i've been insecure in moments and reacted in ways out of jealousy, once all is said and done i realize that i did wrong and that i should have had more trust in her.

the thing im really worried of is that what if all the arguements and problems pushed her back, (which i know they did) but pushed her back and back, farther and farther from wanting to be with me as they added up and slowly made her lose her feelings in me without even realizing it and then talking to me, or being with me simpy became just a routine.

kinda like she didnt even realize she was falling out of love and instead it was all just becoming a routine.

and now that the routine has been broken then she realizes that it was only that and that she doesnt need me.

Wow, many good responses already.

Just make sure that it is HER that you want and not the comfort of the situation or else old habits may come back.

You may also want to use this as a chance to do a little "soul searching" and try to honestly sit and think about how you can change your ways. I used to be a very jealous and possessive person and I never stopped to consider how my actions were affecting the other person. It took me really withdrawing inward and actually writing down things that I would do that were jealous or possessive actions. And I had to consciously change these behaviors. Not sure if this makes any sense. But a lot of good advice has been given here already also.

Just keep your head up young brother. Having a positive attitude can go a long way as well.

so i know a lot of the ninjabros are a little older and some are even married, so im gonna need your relationship advice and wisdom on this one.

so i've been dating this girl for a little over a year. I'm 18, and she's 17.

we started with a flirtatious friendship, then we began to date and things began perfectly. after months we began to argue like regular couples. but the hole just got deeper and deeper.

the arguements have been mostly out of jealousy on my part, and miscommunication. she's tried telling me to call her back, or that she would call me back, but i had felt that she was running away from our problems. i now realize that she was not running away, but trying to avoid those problems, in order to not let so much emotion into our thoughts so that we could continue to think rationally rather than just react out of anger and fall deeper and deeper into a hole we could not get out of.

she's currently on vacation. i talked to her over myspace on monday and she seemed a little weird, so i asked her what was wrong and she wrote to me telling me that she's been thinking about stuff, and although she still cares about me that she can't continue on with our problems and drama.

before this we have had problems where she seemed to have had enough but i always managed to pull her back and we would get over them, but not this time. it really seemed like she had made up her mind. i dont know if it's the scenario, where she's on vacation or if it's just that she's simply had enough.

perhaps it was easier for her to tell me this way, but despite that i cannot deny she feels as she should not be with me even though she might still have deep feelings for me. i dont know if she no longer believes in me, but the truth is i had always looked for external causes to our problems, or blamed her for them. i think this was the wake up call that i needed and now i realize that i've been the only one causing all of this in our relationship, and im the only one who i can control, rather than her.

how can i convince her that i've realized this, that this is the wake up call that i needed, and that this time won't be like the others, meaning these wont be empty promises?

this one's for you TFZ, TBA, BradO, etc. and even Dragonfly (i need a girls perspective too)
hmmm, ive been in this situation before, jorge...

on the one hand you want to believe that this person whom youve invested a lot of time, emotion & feelings in is being sincere but, at the same time do not want to feel like a sucker... ive always given the person the benefit of the doubt regardless if it was deserved or not bc the consequence of not doing so, to me at least, is much worse... ppl can & do change, im living proof of that...

if she still cares for you like shes said, she will give you this one opportunity to show her that you really mean it, thats why its so important to mean what you say & say what you mean...

the only thing i could suggest doing is for you to ask her to meet with you, when she asks why you jus tell her there is something important you need to discuss & if she could jus meet you half way on this request... that way when youre together she can see for herself by looking into your eyes that you really mean what youre saying & that your words arent empty...

best wishes to you & your lady, & i hope things work out, whatever it may be, jorge...

jus me
cami

^^^Great Advice. By Bradbro

Wow, many good responses already.

Just make sure that it is HER that you want and not the comfort of the situation or else old habits may come back.

You may also want to use this as a chance to do a little "soul searching" and try to honestly sit and think about how you can change your ways. I used to be a very jealous and possessive person and I never stopped to consider how my actions were affecting the other person. It took me really withdrawing inward and actually writing down things that I would do that were jealous or possessive actions. And I had to consciously change these behaviors. Not sure if this makes any sense. But a lot of good advice has been given here already also.

Just keep your head up young brother. Having a positive attitude can go a long way as well.

i realize that the difference between people who stay together as opposed to those who dont is not the amount of problems that they have but the tools and skills they learn along the way in order to deal with them.

and even though i've tried real hard i think i've tried in the wrong ways. i've just kept trying doing the same thign that never showed any improvement from the start, like talking about it over and over. and all that did was create more problems.

i never thought about writing things down. but it sounds like a good idea, maybe after when im calm or something i sit down and see them and surprise myself and try to better my behaviour the next time around.

im in something similar to what you describe with the possessiveness, i never tried telling her what to do but i felt in a way that she should do things differently and i would suggest some things. when i should have been the only one trying to change as she never did anything really that she should change.

im gonna try this.

^^^Great Advice. By Bradbro

:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:

by Dr Bob also. One Dapper Cat

by Dr Bob also. One Dapper Cat

LOL...I love it when fishing for compliments works.

i realize that the difference between people who stay together as opposed to those who dont is not the amount of problems that they have but the tools and skills they learn along the way in order to deal with them.

and even though i've tried real hard i think i've tried in the wrong ways. i've just kept trying doing the same thign that never showed any improvement from the start, like talking about it over and over. and all that did was create more problems.

i never thought about writing things down. but it sounds like a good idea, maybe after when im calm or something i sit down and see them and surprise myself and try to better my behaviour the next time around.

im in something similar to what you describe with the possessiveness, i never tried telling her what to do but i felt in a way that she should do things differently and i would suggest some things. when i should have been the only one trying to change as she never did anything really that she should change.

im gonna try this.

Definitely try to write it down. It will be difficult to put words to your feelings initially but I find thats the best way to "think" when your mind is all muddled with emotions. I am also a very possessive person but I'm trying to change. I've noticed that everyone should be allowed to do things their way ,even if its the wrong way. Voice your opinion but dont force it. Maybe people will become better after making those mistakes. I'm getting preachy now, I should stop now.

LOL...I love it when fishing for compliments works.

I was expecting you to reciprocate by saying good things about me. :wah:

i realize that the difference between people who stay together as opposed to those who dont is not the amount of problems that they have but the tools and skills they learn along the way in order to deal with them.

and even though i've tried real hard i think i've tried in the wrong ways. i've just kept trying doing the same thign that never showed any improvement from the start, like talking about it over and over. and all that did was create more problems.

i never thought about writing things down. but it sounds like a good idea, maybe after when im calm or something i sit down and see them and surprise myself and try to better my behaviour the next time around.

im in something similar to what you describe with the possessiveness, i never tried telling her what to do but i felt in a way that she should do things differently and i would suggest some things. when i should have been the only one trying to change as she never did anything really that she should change.

im gonna try this.

This was back in the day mind you (over 13 years ago), but here are some of the things I would do:

Constantly ask where she was going, who she was going to be with

Get mad and give her the cold shoulder if she wasn't home/didn't call me at a certain time

Call to check up on her to make sure she was where she said she was going

Act tough in public and front guys that I thought were looking at her

Get pissed off at her wearing clothes I deemed to be too provocative

and so on, but you get the idea. Just wanted to throw some examples out there.

Definitely try to write it down. It will be difficult to put words to your feelings initially but I find thats the best way to "think" when your mind is all muddled with emotions. I am also a very possessive person but I'm trying to change. I've noticed that everyone should be allowed to do things their way ,even if its the wrong way. Voice your opinion but dont force it. Maybe people will become better after making those mistakes. I'm getting preachy now, I should stop now.

this is all great. dont stop. it's really thought provoking.

& i think ive always been real cocky when it comes to solving my own problems. ive always looked for external causes, blamed others, and never gone to anyone for advice. i thought that seeing things from what i though was every possible perspective that i'd be fine. but obviously my ego would not let me see others, and im just not capable of thinking about everything.

I was expecting you to reciprocate by saying good things about me. :wah:

Of course. I agree with your advice 100%. Being open and honest is the best policy when trying to open lines of communication. And I hear you're stunningly handsome.

this is all great. dont stop. it's really thought provoking.

& i think ive always been real cocky when it comes to solving my own problems. ive always looked for external causes, blamed others, and never gone to anyone for advice. i thought that seeing things from what i though was every possible perspective that i'd be fine. but obviously my ego would not let me see others, and im just not capable of thinking about everything.

It's good that you've come to this realisation. It will help you to make decisions.

This was back in the day mind you (over 13 years ago), but here are some of the things I would do:

Constantly ask where she was going, who she was going to be with

Get mad and give her the cold shoulder if she wasn't home/didn't call me at a certain time

Call to check up on her to make sure she was where she said she was going

Act tough in public and front guys that I thought were looking at her

Get pissed off at her wearing clothes I deemed to be too provocative

and so on, but you get the idea. Just wanted to throw some examples out there.


yeah thats all fucked up.

i think ive done the tough guy thing in front of her friends, but i think they tried to as well. so fuck them, either way, i think i should be the mature one, especially since i know im the one with her and maybe i should just try to act cool towards them.

and i have done the calling to make sure if shes doing what she told me she would or where she told me she would. but even seeing it written by you i see that it's fucked.

damn, i got some major growing to do.

This was back in the day mind you (over 13 years ago), but here are some of the things I would do:

Constantly ask where she was going, who she was going to be with

Get mad and give her the cold shoulder if she wasn't home/didn't call me at a certain time

Call to check up on her to make sure she was where she said she was going

Act tough in public and front guys that I thought were looking at her

Get pissed off at her wearing clothes I deemed to be too provocative

and so on, but you get the idea. Just wanted to throw some examples out there.

I'm totally guilty of doing those things in the past.

yeah thats all fucked up.

i think ive done the tough guy thing in front of her friends, but i think they tried to as well. so fuck them, either way, i think i should be the mature one, especially since i know im the one with her and maybe i should just try to act cool towards them.

and i have done the calling to make sure if shes doing what she told me she would or where she told me she would. but even seeing it written by you i see that it's fucked.

damn, i got some major growing to do.

Exactamundo! I didn't realize how jacked up I was until I looked at the shit I wrote and I thought I was writing a script for a Lifetime movie. But a lot of it comes with time bro. I even went as far as "accidentally" ruining some of her clothes in the laundry that I didn't approve of. You all prolly think I am nuts now. But I hope it helps, really.

hmmm, ive been in this situation before, jorge...

on the one hand you want to believe that this person whom youve invested a lot of time, emotion & feelings in is being sincere but, at the same time do not want to feel like a sucker... ive always given the person the benefit of the doubt regardless if it was deserved or not bc the consequence of not doing so, to me at least, is much worse... ppl can & do change, im living proof of that...

if she still cares for you like shes said, she will give you this one opportunity to show her that you really mean it, thats why its so important to mean what you say & say what you mean...

the only thing i could suggest doing is for you to ask her to meet with you, when she asks why you jus tell her there is something important you need to discuss & if she could jus meet you half way on this request... that way when youre together she can see for herself by looking into your eyes that you really mean what youre saying & that your words arent empty...

best wishes to you & your lady, & i hope things work out, whatever it may be, jorge...

jus me
cami

oooh. i missed this one when the page changed.

thanks.

i think ive been the opposite of you when it comes to giving the benefit of the doubt. i've always kinda tried to be overly cautious about things and so i rarely give the benefit of the doubt, but you have a good point when you say the consequences can be worse.

and yeah, im definately gonna try to meet up with her and talk about this in person.

thanks a lot.

I even went as far as "accidentally" ruining some of her clothes in the laundry that I didn't approve of. You all prolly think I am nuts now.

OMG. I think you are a genius now!!!!!

I'm so proud of you. From one passive agressive to another.

This was back in the day mind you (over 13 years ago), but here are some of the things I would do:

Constantly ask where she was going, who she was going to be with

Get mad and give her the cold shoulder if she wasn't home/didn't call me at a certain time

Call to check up on her to make sure she was where she said she was going

Act tough in public and front guys that I thought were looking at her

Get pissed off at her wearing clothes I deemed to be too provocative

and so on, but you get the idea. Just wanted to throw some examples out there.

i used to know you, i think... hahahhaha fucker!!! jus kidding

Exactamundo! I didn't realize how jacked up I was until I looked at the shit I wrote and I thought I was writing a script for a Lifetime movie. But a lot of it comes with time bro. I even went as far as "accidentally" ruining some of her clothes in the laundry that I didn't approve of. You all prolly think I am nuts now. But I hope it helps, really.

it's fucking crazy how writing helps. i always thought yeah it would help, but in the sense of taking the weight of my chest. never saw it this way.

i wrote things the other day and it helped to take some weight off of my chest but it was just my thoguths and feelings. in a letter to her that at first i was unsure to give her but i think after talking to her i just might.

and i dont think youre nuts, i mean, sometimes we dont make sense of things and just do them because they seem right to you. but sometimes it's selfish, unfair, and just stupid because you overreact.

from now on im writing everything.

You blame others when you expect something from someone. I used to expect a lot(sometimes what I deserved, sometimes what I didn't) and when I didn't get it. I used to get mad and swore at people. I used to sulk and blame others for my frustrations. But you need to see that you are in charge of your own life as others are. You cannot expect anything from anybody. Love should be without any terms and conditions. What you do by frustrating yourself is that you are giving control of your life to someone else. If you are vulnerable to provocations, people can play with your emotions and can manipulate you.

People do what they want to do. Its for you to decide what you want to do. You cannot control their thinking. But you can control yours. Do you want to get mad or do you want to improve your situation.

So introspect and analyse your actions and try to change what you should.

Peace

OMG. I think you are a genius now!!!!!

I'm so proud of you. From one passive agressive to another.

I'm much better now. Really I am.

I'm much better now. Really I am.

Same here. I used to be a sneaky bastard. Now I'm just a bastard.

To get back on track, Jorge, if you need to talk to anyone at any time about this, we are here.

Good luck with your talk, and we all hope things work out for you.

To get back on track, Jorge, if you need to talk to anyone at any time about this, we are here.

Good luck with your talk, and we all hope things work out for you.

+1 my friend. All the best.

Of course. I agree with your advice 100%. Being open and honest is the best policy when trying to open lines of communication. And I hear you're stunningly handsome.

http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w254/sunshine_5_2007/My%20ELVIS%20Favorite/thanks-1.gif

You blame others when you expect something from someone. I used to expect a lot(sometimes what I deserved, sometimes what I didn't) and when I didn't get it. I used to get mad and swore at people. I used to sulk and blame others for my frustrations. But you need to see that you are in charge of your own life as others are. You cannot expect anything from anybody. Love should be without any terms and conditions. What you do by frustrating yourself is that you are giving control of your life to someone else. If you are vulnerable to provocations, people can play with your emotions and can manipulate you.

People do what they want to do. Its for you to decide what you want to do. You cannot control their thinking. But you can control yours. Do you want to get mad or do you want to improve your situation.

So introspect and analyse your actions and try to change what you should.

Peace


wow you're fuckin crazy.

thats awesome. i fully agree with everything...but that part up there just made me say DAMN.

good analysis.

i should go and do the same about my situation.

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b242/one_teddy_bear/Elvis%20Festival%202007/100_0767.jpg

Exactamundo! I didn't realize how jacked up I was until I looked at the shit I wrote and I thought I was writing a script for a Lifetime movie. But a lot of it comes with time bro. I even went as far as "accidentally" ruining some of her clothes in the laundry that I didn't approve of. You all prolly think I am nuts now. But I hope it helps, really.

i hope that more men like you are out there, bc for the most part i didnt think any man would sit down & ponder on the how, what, when & whys things go bad after its all said & done... your post gives me new hope that men do sit & think about their actions & really do want to change for the better, seriously...

I'm much better now. Really I am.

I will be.

i hope that more men like you are out there, bc for the most part i didnt think any man would sit down & ponder on the how, what, when & whys things go bad after its all said & done... your post gives me new hope that men do sit & think about their actions & really do want to change for the better, seriously...

im trying to change this too. except either you dont consider me a man yet or i havent proved myself changed.

i hope that more men like you are out there, bc for the most part i didnt think any man would sit down & ponder on the how, what, when & whys things go bad after its all said & done... your post gives me new hope that men do sit & think about their actions & really do want to change for the better, seriously...

What about me? :feminist::sad::cray:

i hope that more men like you are out there, bc for the most part i didnt think any man would sit down & ponder on the how, what, when & whys things go bad after its all said & done... your post gives me new hope that men do sit & think about their actions & really do want to change for the better, seriously...

I don't even wanna know what kind of man you think I am.

:sad:

im trying to change this too. except either you dont consider me a man yet or i havent proved myself changed.
no its not that jorge, i didnt have a chance to edit my post to include your name actually... :P

bc i do believe you really are trying to do the best thing right now, which is to change what needs to be changed within you while you still can, ie., before you become conditioned to behave this way in all of your relationships... by being proactive, it shows that you are committed & want to be the best man you can be, not to sound corny...

:wah:

I don't even wanna know what kind of man you think I am.

:sad:

+1

+1

Yeh...she told me that she thinks I'm evil in the shoutbox earlier...

thanks to everyone for the advice.

you all helped a lot especially with the examples from personal experiences, your ways of dealing with these things in order to change for the better, and just words of wisdom or some serious philosophy (aka: amanamagus)

im really gonna keep a lot of these things in mind and try to write down some things i've done in order to reflect. also im gonna try to be straight up and honest with her and think about the fact that if im fast to react then not only can people fuck with me only to get a reaction but it affects other shit too or i can end up regretting things or hurting her when i dont mean to.

also, like dragonfly said, the consequences of not giving the benefit of the doubt are worse than if i just give it.

and overall, like amanamagus said, i should just worry about myself, and she'll worry about her. love shouldnt be controlling or you know...a jail, it should be free and there should be trust. the trust that's been lacking on my part.

i guess i;ve done a lot of mistakes and think i've grown, at least when it comes to realizing this. and im gonna make a serious endeavor to change all this, and not just let it end with no gain, but rather i will make the best of it.

as far as today, tomorrow, and sunday this is all i can do. until monday will i be able to know for sure whats on her mind and if i will even be able to get the opportunity to show the best of me, and not just the unpolished version of me.

thanks to everyone who gave their two cents, i really appreciate it.

You blame others when you expect something from someone. I used to expect a lot(sometimes what I deserved, sometimes what I didn't) and when I didn't get it. I used to get mad and swore at people. I used to sulk and blame others for my frustrations. But you need to see that you are in charge of your own life as others are. You cannot expect anything from anybody. Love should be without any terms and conditions. What you do by frustrating yourself is that you are giving control of your life to someone else. If you are vulnerable to provocations, people can play with your emotions and can manipulate you.

People do what they want to do. Its for you to decide what you want to do. You cannot control their thinking. But you can control yours. Do you want to get mad or do you want to improve your situation.

So introspect and analyse your actions and try to change what you should.

Peace
nice... a little accountabilty goes a long way...

the key thing to remember is love should be unconditional, regardless... thats something we as a ppl should all strive towards everyday of our lives...

there is no power in controlling others, true power is in controlling ones self... - me

i hope that more men like you are out there, bc for the most part i didnt think any man would sit down & ponder on the how, what, when & whys things go bad after its all said & done... your post gives me new hope that men do sit & think about their actions & really do want to change for the better, seriously...

It is my hope that this becomes more common as generations change. The scariest realization that I came to is that I knew I didn't like myself, but I didn't know myself well enough to know why. I think many people are afraid to look inwards because they are afraid of what they will find. Fuck, I was terrified to even try it. But I think in the long run I ended up being a much better and compassionate person because of it. Compassion an the golden rule are really all you need when it comes right down to it. And there is always hope. :sifone:

no its not that jorge, i didnt have a chance to edit my post to include your name actually... :P

bc i do believe you really are trying to do the best thing right now, which is to change what needs to be changed within you while you still can, ie., before you become conditioned to behave this way in all of your relationships... by being proactive, it shows that you are committed & want to be the best man you can be, not to sound corny...

yeah. a lot of these thigns can sound corny out of context, but i know whats going on and really there's no other wat around it. i agree and i'm really trying and not gonna give up. even if this thing doesnt work out, i mean, i realize that this problem doesnt just apply to me being with her, instead the problem is with me, so i think no matter who it would be the same thing would have happened.

i just hope that i get to prove this to her.

Amanamagus is truly a benefit to these forums. He is a deeply spiritual and philosophical person who puts things more eloquently than I could ever hope to.

What about me? :feminist::sad::cray:

see below? hahahhaa

nice... a little accountabilty goes a long way...

the key thing to remember is love should be unconditional, regardless... thats something we as a ppl should all strive towards everyday of our lives...

there is no power in controlling others, true power is in controlling ones self... - me

Great post Cami. So true.

I don't even wanna know what kind of man you think I am.

:sad:
oh why not, bobbo?

Amanamagus is truly a benefit to these forums. He is a deeply spiritual and philosophical person who puts things more eloquently than I could ever hope to.

yes and there's no arguing this.

it's almost poetic.

i just hope he's not finding all these in books. and if he is, he still is doing a sick ass job.

I read a really good quote somewhere. I think it applies to all of us. : Willingness is not enough. We must apply. Knowledge is not enough, we must do.

I read a really good quote somewhere. I think it applies to all of us. : Willingness is not enough. We must apply. Knowledge is not enough, we must do.

"Do, or do not. There is no try."

-Yoda

i like these quotes. keep them coming. theyre thought provoking, even the simplest, and most of all they help you come to the realization of either mistakes you've done or just end up as more motivation.

oh why not, bobbo?

'Cause you think I'm evil.

It is my hope that this becomes more common as generations change. The scariest realization that I came to is that I knew I didn't like myself, but I didn't know myself well enough to know why. I think many people are afraid to look inwards because they are afraid of what they will find. Fuck, I was terrified to even try it. But I think in the long run I ended up being a much better and compassionate person because of it. Compassion an the golden rule are really all you need when it comes right down to it. And there is always hope. :sifone:
to look inwards requires a lot of strength bc those are the hardest truths to face...

props to all you guys who have done a lot of self introspection bc you are all the better for having done it & im sure your significant others as well as everyone else in your lives appreciate it...

yeah. a lot of these thigns can sound corny out of context, but i know whats going on and really there's no other wat around it. i agree and i'm really trying and not gonna give up. even if this thing doesnt work out, i mean, i realize that this problem doesnt just apply to me being with her, instead the problem is with me, so i think no matter who it would be the same thing would have happened.

i just hope that i get to prove this to her.
thats a great attitude to have, dont lose that quality jorge, ever...

me too...

anyway.

im going to bed.

but keep the advice/quotes/comments coming, give me something to kill the whole day on tomorrow.

im not doing ANYTHING AT ALL the next two days besides analyzing myself and trying to find methods to better, and how i will put all these emotions into words when i finally see her.

Great post Cami. So true.

thank you brad sama...

well after youve slipped & hit your head on so many smart rocks, ones bound to wise you the fuck up!!! i can be taught!!! HAYO!!!

goodnight everyone.

anyway.

im going to bed.

but keep the advice/quotes/comments coming, give me something to kill the whole day on tomorrow.

im not doing ANYTHING AT ALL the next two days besides analyzing myself and trying to find methods to better, and how i will put all these emotions into words when i finally see her.

Sleep well bro. And best of luck. Just be honest with yourself.

i like these quotes. keep them coming. theyre thought provoking, even the simplest, and most of all they help you come to the realization of either mistakes you've done or just end up as more motivation.

oddly enough, i write a lot my own camismz... hahhaha im a weirdo

thank you brad sama...

well after youve slipped & hit your head on so many smart rocks, ones bound to wise you the fuck up!!! i can be taught!!! HAYO!!!

jaja, good one Cami sama. I still need to hit a few more rocks, to be sure.

'Cause you think I'm evil.

if its any consolation bobbo, i think im evil too... :P

oddly enough, i write a lot my own camismz... hahhaha im a weirdo

THERE'S the book idea. Start writing, who knows...

goodnight everyone.

oyasumi jorge

sleep well :)

THERE'S the book idea. Start writing, who knows...

hahhahaha only the shadow knows

if its any consolation bobbo, i think im evil too... :P

Yeah. the bad part is, I can't disagree with you. I think I am evil.

If I were in Jorge's shoes I would probably treat it completely different. But I know my way isn't good, so I can still give good advice.

hahhahaha only the shadow knows

http://img224.imageshack.us/img224/2961/theshadow24f2b2e7hx2.jpg

Amanamagus is truly a benefit to these forums. He is a deeply spiritual and philosophical person who puts things more eloquently than I could ever hope to.

Thanx. I hope that I truly become worthy of your respect someday. As of now my life(a.k.a academics) is in dire straits. But I hope things change for better.

"Do, or do not. There is no try."

-Yoda

Good one.

to look inwards requires a lot of strength bc those are the hardest truths to face...

props to all you guys who have done a lot of self introspection bc you are all the better for having done it & im sure your significant others as well as everyone else in your lives appreciate it...

I dont think people around me appreciate me questioning. They actually hate philosophy. They want me to be practical. But nobody answers my questions.

Thanx. I hope that I truly become worthy of your respect someday. As of now my life(a.k.a academics) is in dire straits. But I hope things change for better.

You already have my respect bro. You are more than worthy. I am just a person. Academics doesn't make a persons heart and mind and doesn't define them.

yes and there's no arguing this.

it's almost poetic.

i just hope he's not finding all these in books. and if he is, he still is doing a sick ass job.

You know what bro. When I say the same thing to people around me. They think that there's something wrong with me. I dont want them appreciate me. All I want is their acceptance. And I've often wondered whether I'm mad or something.

Infact I've been discouraged to read also. They say I think too much.

You already have my respect bro. You are more than worthy. I am just a person. Academics doesn't make a persons heart and mind and doesn't define them.

Troof!!!

Yeah. the bad part is, I can't disagree with you. I think I am evil.

If I were in Jorge's shoes I would probably treat it completely different. But I know my way isn't good, so I can still give good advice.

awwwwwwwww well we all have a dark side, jeff...

every last one of us & i concur with your last sentence...

I dont think people around me appreciate me questioning. They actually hate philosophy. They want me to be practical. But nobody answers my questions.
seemingly its more a flaw of theirs than it is yours isnt it? if they choose to live their lives with their heads in the sand theres only so much one can do... for what its worth, i dont see anything impractical about the things youve discussed here tonight but, rather the opposite... sometimes the hardest thing to do is not say anything at all, & those my friend, are the loudest silences of all...

Seeking validation is human nature. It hurts when the people you love have a low opinion of you

You know what bro. When I say the same thing to people around me. They think that there's something wrong with me. I dont want them appreciate me. All I want is their acceptance. And I've often wondered whether I'm mad or something.

Infact I've been discouraged to read also. They say I think too much.

perhaps, youre jus misunderstood, i know i am a lot of the time... though i deal with on a daily basis it hasnt seemed to have made it any easier to deal with, its a strange world we live in today...

I have thought about a way to make them listen to me. They care about academics. I get good grades. They stare at me with their mouths open and I get to say whatever I want to. I get to express myself and breathe. Thanx ninjabros for helping me to vent out.

perhaps, youre jus misunderstood, i know i am a lot of the time... though i deal with on a daily basis it hasnt seemed to have made it any easier to deal with, its a strange world we live in today...

Exactly. To understand I need to be heard and nobody hears me out.

Seeking validation is human nature. It hurts when the people you love have a low opinion of you
i can empathize with you totally...

when anothers opinion carries that much weight, its time to reevaluate the weight of that opinion... -me

I have thought about a way to make them listen to me. They care about academics. I get good grades. They stare at me with their mouths open and I get to say whatever I want to. I get to express myself and breathe. Thanx ninjabros for helping me to vent out.

I think in modern society the emphasis placed on academics over actual thought process and critical thinking is getting out of hand. But I digress and leave this thread to its intended purpose.

Please continue. I dont think ChickenJorge wouldnt like it. Rather I think he would like it. And so would everyone else including I

I think in modern society the emphasis placed on academics over actual thought process and critical thinking is getting out of hand. But I digress and leave this thread to its intended purpose.

i agree on all points... hope things go well for jorge!!!

I think in modern society the emphasis placed on academics over actual thought process and critical thinking is getting out of hand. But I digress and leave this thread to its intended purpose.

I understand wholeheartedly how annoying the emphasis over academics is over thought process and logical thinking. I have a guy in my class that is unbelievably stupid but he works very hard and gets great marks. Everyone knows he has no logical thoughts but they excuse it because he gets good marks. I don't get along with him needless to say and I wasn't invited to his party either this past Monday.

I hope that when I leave the confines of my school I'll be able to meet people that think rationally and critically. Sometimes I feel that I'm too mature for my age because my thought processes are very different to those of my peer group. I'm not saying this is a bad thing its just I'll have to wait a little while longer before people of my same age group think the way I do.

Sorry I'm all over the place in this thread and I'm taking the focus away from the topic at hand.

You know what, Jorge is gonnna like all this stuff you're talking about.